::S(hh)ECRETS::

Do you::..

             ....have trouble concentrating at work...

   ...find yourself getting angry about minuscule things...

                        ...have a hard time sleeping....

         ...feel anxious...  ...get nervous...  ||BOTTLE.THiNGS.UP||

I'm not a doctor by any means, but i CAN tell you from experience that these things can be a sign of stress...from keeping things bottled up...keeping your thoughts a .:SECRET:.

The past 5-6 years of my life have been HECTiC to say the least...I have:

1. Worked more than 2 jobs at a time

2. Gotten in several car accidents

3. Been broke

4. Moved 3 states

5. Been in the hospital...3 times

6. Gotten married (woohoo!)

7. Lost both grandparents

8. Been sued (post car accident)

...and more. But, you never think these things can affect you, right?

It's just stuff everyone deals with so there's no reason to talk about it...

I mean no one can help anyways...

                                                         :://WRONG\\::

      The week before my wedding I was planning, running around, feeling crazy and all the other things that entail planning a gi-normous party that binds you to another in Holy Matrimony :) When all of a SUDDEN. I started having severe chest pains, diarrhea (sorry I know it's sick) upset stomach, headaches, restlessness, shakiness, etc. I was cringing in pain and couldn't catch my breath. I went to the ER and what do you know?! It was STRESS....yep that's it. After thousands of dollars of blood work, EKG's, scans, tests, IV's, and every probing method you could think of...it all came back to anxiety. This had happened before....once in high school, and once several years ago at work.

    'Why does this keep happening?!' I asked myself (because I always have the best answers anyways- MISTAKE # 1!!!)

      I saw the very same thing happening to 2 people close to me. It was like watching someone getting eaten from the inside out...but, they never spoke a word about it. It's like the kid in high school who seemed fine, but was so quiet and the next day you find out he committed suicide. How does that happen?!

   A few weeks ago, I finally saw in my own life, how this happens. My husband and I were having a...hmm, what's a nice way to put this; dispute? And, like I normally do when I'm angry, hurt, or upset, I just got quiet. I figure I'd rather keep it all inside or throw out a couple blow-off phrases like:

'Whatever'

  'I don't care'

'You're call'

  ' Sure, fine, or ok'.

Afterwards, I'd replay the scenario over and over in my mind thinking I should have said this or this. And as I did, I would get MORE AGITATED ABOUT WHAT ALREADY HAPPENED and come to my OWN CONCLUSIONS about what he said or meant. Before I knew it I was fuming and he had NO IDEA!!! We finally had a good talk, and with tears in his eyes, he lovingly expressed how it hurts him and our relationship when I keep things to myself. And it's TRUE! It made me feel physically sick, my heart would race, and I couldn't sleep just letting things roll around in my mind like a hamster on a wheel. It hit me that not only does bottling things up hurt YOU and can have physical repercussions, but it also damages relationships with people around you.

    So, next time you're face is red with anger and you don't feel like talking...try WRITING IT DOWN!!! It takes a load off and then once it's on paper it's much easier to talk about. Most importantly PRAY!! A Bible verse that really helped me was 2 Timothy 1:7- "For God did not give me a spirit of FEAR. but of power, love and a SOUND MIND." Some other things that have helped me 'blow off steam' before I talk about things are: running (endorphins), chocolate (in normal doses, ladies!!), painting, singing, or whatever your outlet is. Make sure you don't hold on to things...don't bottle it because...

    ...If you keep shaking the bottle without releasing the pressure...IT WILL BLOW!